Side step the bodies on the road.
The road you are traveling down.
What was that you just heard?
You own voice echoing off the concrete walls of your asylum.
Holy mother, Holy father, I-
Wait. Stop. You have been forsaken.
You sold your soul to the demon Emotion.
Was it the vast sea of turmoil that swept you away from me?
COME BACK! COME BACK!
She's gone.
My intent was only to palliate the pain,
But I killed you instead.
Slip.Drip.Remove.
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I am high as I am typing this.
There is an Exacto knife beside me and I am contemplating weather or not to allow it's cold sweet lips to kiss my arms again.
It has been so very long since I danced with blades.
I miss the soft feel of the metal, and the sharp bite of serenity.
Oh how I longed to hold you each night, letting you caress my soft skin as the tears poured down my somber face.
You soothed me.
loved me,
helped me.
With your understanding I could place you back into your pouch and return to the world with a smile.
You took my fears, confusions, and hatred from me.
I sacrificed blood so that you and I could always be together.
But look at you now.
Your not the same.
Your look different but you are the same healer.
I shoved you aside for what are now empty promises.
He hated you,
They told me you were wrong, they even took you away from me.
but now, now we are together again.
What does it matter if people say something. We are together and that's all I need.
The drugs make everything so much better, and all I need now is you to feel happy.
Complete.
I don't know whether or not I will let you kiss me now.
But you are here, and I won't let you go again.
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
There is an Exacto knife beside me and I am contemplating weather or not to allow it's cold sweet lips to kiss my arms again.
It has been so very long since I danced with blades.
I miss the soft feel of the metal, and the sharp bite of serenity.
Oh how I longed to hold you each night, letting you caress my soft skin as the tears poured down my somber face.
You soothed me.
loved me,
helped me.
With your understanding I could place you back into your pouch and return to the world with a smile.
You took my fears, confusions, and hatred from me.
I sacrificed blood so that you and I could always be together.
But look at you now.
Your not the same.
Your look different but you are the same healer.
I shoved you aside for what are now empty promises.
He hated you,
They told me you were wrong, they even took you away from me.
but now, now we are together again.
What does it matter if people say something. We are together and that's all I need.
The drugs make everything so much better, and all I need now is you to feel happy.
Complete.
I don't know whether or not I will let you kiss me now.
But you are here, and I won't let you go again.
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Branches
There isn't anything in this world that could keep the sanity within our minds.
Once we have been exposed to the darkness and tragedies of the world, it's hard to go back to the simplicity and normalcy of what was.
No human creation or divine intervention can erase the splotches of one's mind.
Once a scratched record always a scratched record.
Humans falter and it is to be expected.
What falls beyond the wall is all to familiar if you really look, but no one wants to.
Beauty is neither skin or emotions. It's safety.
We look for reassurance in what is untouchable or natural, yet we build faulty security in what we find new and innovative.
When a tree falls, the branches fall to.
After all aren't we just a repeat of those who came before?
Clones of our own mistakes?
Emotions are the creation of working minds in unison, and that alone can create an uprising in unsorted matters.
To deal with a problem, one needs to first secure and study what exactly it is that is causing this unanticipated disruption,
and once the answer has been decided we turn in dismay of the truth.
If we are spending eternities and eons searching for the answer and creation of such a power, then why can we not accept it when we discover it?
We are a network of wires and branches.
Each nerve creates a different feeling within us.
If given half the chance to return to our sheltered and naive pasts,
humans would return to the fetus we were before time began.
It's hard to move forward when your minds trapped in the past...
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
Once we have been exposed to the darkness and tragedies of the world, it's hard to go back to the simplicity and normalcy of what was.
No human creation or divine intervention can erase the splotches of one's mind.
Once a scratched record always a scratched record.
Humans falter and it is to be expected.
What falls beyond the wall is all to familiar if you really look, but no one wants to.
Beauty is neither skin or emotions. It's safety.
We look for reassurance in what is untouchable or natural, yet we build faulty security in what we find new and innovative.
When a tree falls, the branches fall to.
After all aren't we just a repeat of those who came before?
Clones of our own mistakes?
Emotions are the creation of working minds in unison, and that alone can create an uprising in unsorted matters.
To deal with a problem, one needs to first secure and study what exactly it is that is causing this unanticipated disruption,
and once the answer has been decided we turn in dismay of the truth.
If we are spending eternities and eons searching for the answer and creation of such a power, then why can we not accept it when we discover it?
We are a network of wires and branches.
Each nerve creates a different feeling within us.
If given half the chance to return to our sheltered and naive pasts,
humans would return to the fetus we were before time began.
It's hard to move forward when your minds trapped in the past...
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Rant I Guess
It's a feeling that starts in the bottom of your stomach.
I'm not quite sure how to describe it or if it's even possible.
Have you ever felt so numb that if a car traveling at 5o miles per hour were to hit you, you wouldn't feel your skull bash against the cement? Have you even felt so alone that even when there are people beside you, holding you, kissing you, everything just seems so dark? Almost as if someone has placed a blindfold over your eyes and you are empty?
I wouldn't expect anyone to understand this, nor does it phase me one way or the other. Being alone in this is what I am used to and what I have come to expect. No one can understand what it is that one another is feeling. We can pretend and we can sympathize but when push comes to shove there really isn't anything we can do. I have met a few people through out this mess and sure they all say they have felt certain things the way I have felt them. But have they really? Sure some of out symptoms are the same but are we really all the same kind of crazy? Traveling in darkness is a gambler's game really. You never know what is going to meet you either half way or at the end, that is if there is an end.
With that being said have I bored you at all yet? No one cares to know my story. No one cares to know the beginning, the middle, or how the bloody mess ends. Not one person except the lovely people I pay 130 dollars a week to tell. They "care" sure. I don't care whether or not people read this, and I certainly do not give a flying fuck what you may think. Actually to be honest I don't tend to give a fuck about anything really. It make s life much easier. There is nothing in this world that can sustain me I suppose. When I sit here and think about everything I have been told or shown, is there really something out there for me? Because in all honesty I cannot fathom such a thing. There are those who are blessed with the gift of positivity or the gift for passion. Then there are those who are forsaken and broken. "Hi, hello, nice to meet you!"
Those forsaken fragile people with nothing but a penny to their name, they are the true humans. Each human is scientifically able to feel emotions and partake in such events as crying and laughing. But the broken FEEL these emotions. The broken know the ins and the outs of sadness and of pain. They know what it is like to feel and to feel nothing at all. No one can understand that of which they go through unless you have gone through it yourself.
Many of the therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists out there believe they know how EXACTLY you are feeling and how EXACTLY you can fix that. Well in reality they have their heads shoved to far into the spine of their text books that it is almost impossible for them to breath, let alone understand what you re trying to tell them. Every once and a while you meet the perfect shrink that has gone through similar issues and can sort of relate to you. IF your a lucky one. I have had an assortment really. I have the bad ones, the dull monotone ones, the life coach ones and the "OH MY GOD YOUR CRAZY DEPRESSED AND SHOULD BE HOSPITALIZED!" ones. But I have also had the down to earth, been through something in their past ones. They are by far the best. The ones who can finish your sentences because they know what it it you are talking about. The best thing about these shrinks is that they use real language! None of this PHD, Masters, I have read the entire Oxford Dictionary forty eight times from front to back shit. The ones who say "Holy fuck no wonder you feel this way!" when you tell them what brought you there in the first place. Those are the best kind, if there is a best kind...
I have heard stories of recovery and of moving on. I have seen the progress of some close to me, but for some reason I just can't see it for myself. I thought I had be "cured" or "fixed" and I thought things were better. I moved out and started college and everything seemed fine and dandy, but slowly and surely things crept back up and tackled me from behind. Now I am pretty much back to point zero and have no idea how to get back out. So if you ever reach a good place, just remember to send me a post card!
I'm not quite sure how to describe it or if it's even possible.
Have you ever felt so numb that if a car traveling at 5o miles per hour were to hit you, you wouldn't feel your skull bash against the cement? Have you even felt so alone that even when there are people beside you, holding you, kissing you, everything just seems so dark? Almost as if someone has placed a blindfold over your eyes and you are empty?
I wouldn't expect anyone to understand this, nor does it phase me one way or the other. Being alone in this is what I am used to and what I have come to expect. No one can understand what it is that one another is feeling. We can pretend and we can sympathize but when push comes to shove there really isn't anything we can do. I have met a few people through out this mess and sure they all say they have felt certain things the way I have felt them. But have they really? Sure some of out symptoms are the same but are we really all the same kind of crazy? Traveling in darkness is a gambler's game really. You never know what is going to meet you either half way or at the end, that is if there is an end.
With that being said have I bored you at all yet? No one cares to know my story. No one cares to know the beginning, the middle, or how the bloody mess ends. Not one person except the lovely people I pay 130 dollars a week to tell. They "care" sure. I don't care whether or not people read this, and I certainly do not give a flying fuck what you may think. Actually to be honest I don't tend to give a fuck about anything really. It make s life much easier. There is nothing in this world that can sustain me I suppose. When I sit here and think about everything I have been told or shown, is there really something out there for me? Because in all honesty I cannot fathom such a thing. There are those who are blessed with the gift of positivity or the gift for passion. Then there are those who are forsaken and broken. "Hi, hello, nice to meet you!"
Those forsaken fragile people with nothing but a penny to their name, they are the true humans. Each human is scientifically able to feel emotions and partake in such events as crying and laughing. But the broken FEEL these emotions. The broken know the ins and the outs of sadness and of pain. They know what it is like to feel and to feel nothing at all. No one can understand that of which they go through unless you have gone through it yourself.
Many of the therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists out there believe they know how EXACTLY you are feeling and how EXACTLY you can fix that. Well in reality they have their heads shoved to far into the spine of their text books that it is almost impossible for them to breath, let alone understand what you re trying to tell them. Every once and a while you meet the perfect shrink that has gone through similar issues and can sort of relate to you. IF your a lucky one. I have had an assortment really. I have the bad ones, the dull monotone ones, the life coach ones and the "OH MY GOD YOUR CRAZY DEPRESSED AND SHOULD BE HOSPITALIZED!" ones. But I have also had the down to earth, been through something in their past ones. They are by far the best. The ones who can finish your sentences because they know what it it you are talking about. The best thing about these shrinks is that they use real language! None of this PHD, Masters, I have read the entire Oxford Dictionary forty eight times from front to back shit. The ones who say "Holy fuck no wonder you feel this way!" when you tell them what brought you there in the first place. Those are the best kind, if there is a best kind...
I have heard stories of recovery and of moving on. I have seen the progress of some close to me, but for some reason I just can't see it for myself. I thought I had be "cured" or "fixed" and I thought things were better. I moved out and started college and everything seemed fine and dandy, but slowly and surely things crept back up and tackled me from behind. Now I am pretty much back to point zero and have no idea how to get back out. So if you ever reach a good place, just remember to send me a post card!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Everyone
Everyone thinks its so easy.
"Her eyes are open"
They'll talk about you behind your back.
"She's lost now..."
Their vicious profanities will stab you.
Slice open your vitals,
and they'll sit and watch with their aphotic eyes,
waiting for that last crimson drop to flow from your body.
They'll lick their chapped lips and suck the life from the puddles on the ground.
Can you not see their lying to you my dear?
Your nothing without the opinions of others,you'll fade into the background again,
you've got nothing to prove.
Nothing to lose.
Nothing at all.
They laugh as the world fades from your vision.
It's colder now, when you have nothing inside...
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
"Her eyes are open"
They'll talk about you behind your back.
"She's lost now..."
Their vicious profanities will stab you.
Slice open your vitals,
and they'll sit and watch with their aphotic eyes,
waiting for that last crimson drop to flow from your body.
They'll lick their chapped lips and suck the life from the puddles on the ground.
Can you not see their lying to you my dear?
Your nothing without the opinions of others,you'll fade into the background again,
you've got nothing to prove.
Nothing to lose.
Nothing at all.
They laugh as the world fades from your vision.
It's colder now, when you have nothing inside...
©2010
Morgan Doowrah
Monday, March 15, 2010
fall on me
Your as thick as a stone wall
build with care but your letting yourself fall.
I built you up
you broke back down
fall on me
in your tears I'll drown.
Movin' to fast to sleep
your mind races at mach 5
your heart so constant
can't reach you, alive?
Out cold
the snow still hides it
wrists are bleeding
can't keep up, 8-bit
your a sideways monster
consuming the world around you
can't hold you back
I'm a person to.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
fuck you
soft skin doesn't make for reassurance when it comes to the heart. You may look nice on the outside but your insides are as black as the motherfucking night sky bitch. Your words don't seem to compute with the level of compatibility. No mam you're a lost cause and I tried to help you. Brought you up to let you down and now you've flip the tables on me. Well let's see here dearest who's the loser now? Can't you see you only want the eyes not the hearts of those who love you? Attention can only go so far before things start to crumble. Your a lost little puppy that no one's looking for. It's getting colder outside, soon no one will even know you're gone. You're scared about the future. for your life. You're fucked strait up and I ain't helping you out, not that you'd care, but look around everyone's blinded by your lies. Fables you create to mask the truths you detest so much. Smarten the fuck up, times growing short. Soon all your friends are going to turn their backs and you'll be alone again.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
...
I love her.
From the deepest part of my swollen heart. I would travel the world for her, sing for her, breathe for her. I would starve for her if it meant she'd be able to eat. There is nothing I want more in this world then to hold her in my arms, stroke her fire red hair, and kiss her rosy cheeks. I could be her love, her passion, her everything, oh how I wish I could be her one and only. I would show her what it’s like to feel every touch, every kiss, each shiver which runs up the spine then bursts out into tiny fireworks of euphoria. I wish she could see how much she means to not only me, but to the world. She’s sound and pulchritudinous, yet fragile and vulnerable. At times the world seems to conspire against her. I wish to stop that, to fend off the darkness that haunts her. Exorcise the demons of her past and reassure her that she is safe. Safe here in my arms. I just wish she knew how much I love her...
From the deepest part of my swollen heart. I would travel the world for her, sing for her, breathe for her. I would starve for her if it meant she'd be able to eat. There is nothing I want more in this world then to hold her in my arms, stroke her fire red hair, and kiss her rosy cheeks. I could be her love, her passion, her everything, oh how I wish I could be her one and only. I would show her what it’s like to feel every touch, every kiss, each shiver which runs up the spine then bursts out into tiny fireworks of euphoria. I wish she could see how much she means to not only me, but to the world. She’s sound and pulchritudinous, yet fragile and vulnerable. At times the world seems to conspire against her. I wish to stop that, to fend off the darkness that haunts her. Exorcise the demons of her past and reassure her that she is safe. Safe here in my arms. I just wish she knew how much I love her...
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