Symphonys

Sing your words
in fancy lullabies,
hum the bars of your love to the wind,
and stare blissfully into the sky.
Compose your symphony of emotions,
and play it into the wind...
Toss the notes of pain into the current,
and watch as they rush away.
Listen for the sound of your tears
as they drip off your cheeks,
and land on the pavement.
Watch for the rests,
which lay in between the highs and lows
of your never ending pain.
Oh this concherato of life,
a collection of movements,
taken from the deepest most darkest part of your heart.
Dozens of notes placed most precariously amongst the staff,
rising and falling,
just as you have.
Risen form darkness,
only to succumb to it's will once more.
Oh woe is you,
life is full of wrong and broken pieces,
a symphony of pain and endless sorrow.
you are a composer of your own death,
trying to find the prefect ending to an imperfect being.
The show must go on,
the show will go on,
with or with out you...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Jamal

Does it always have to be this way?
Each day you have something terrible to say,
never are they kind words.
Oh no no, you MUST find something wrong with me.
Why,
is there always something bad you see?
If you need this to make you feel better,
please use someone else!
You really don't know what it does to me do you,
oh no you don't, of course not many do.
Because of you a few times to many I crossed the line.
Because of those words you spit and hurl at me,
I broke the goal I had kept for some time.
Over and over I take you abuse,
I try not to crack,
but really my efforts are of no use.
I am almost always kind,
yet why bother?
the kind side of your words are hard to find.

Let's solve this problem shall we?
how about I speak not to you
and you to me!?

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Please whisper those words in my ear
if it be the last time.
Hold me the way you used to.
Please?
Kiss my forehead softly
while running your fingers along my cheeks,
and down my neck.
Lets sleep quietly together.
let's become one,
moving in unison, once more.

Those passionate memories
I shall cherish forever,
you were my love,
and that you shall always be.
Forever in my heart will the memories remain,
for there in my sleep,
we are together,
happily in love,
in silent peace.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Lace & Ribbons

Soft porcelain skin,
so white and perfect.
Smooth as silk with no blemish in sight.
Auburn eyes so vivid,
they can burn holes right though your soul.
Her long soft hair,
the color of mahogany.
It flows over her shoulders just as water flows over a cliff.

What is a girl like this,
doing in a dark forest?
Sitting alone in a clearing.
All alone.
Her dress, black as the night sky.
It resembles that of the old Victorian kind.
Elegantly detailed with lace and ribbons.

There she sits all alone,
gazing at the stuffed monkey,
she has tightly grasped in her hands.
She looks so sad.
She twirls the little tuft of hair
on the monkey's head.
A smile slowly appears across her lips.
She tilts her head to the side,
as though she is trying to get it's attention,
but since the monkey is merely a toy,
it does nothing.

Saddened by this she lifts her head back up and frowns.
Her lips so full and plump.
The colour of pink forget-me-nots.
So light and pale they complement her skin.
She looks up from the monkey and round at the trees.
A look of disappointment rushes over her face.
What is she waiting for?
Why does she remain there all alone?

She looks at the monkey one again,
then squeezes it tighter, and brings it to her chest.
She looks as though she is grieving.
For what?
For who?
Her head falls, causing her hair to cover her face.
all is silent,
even as she weeps.

She cries for quite some time,
not once can it be heard.
As the light begins to die,
as do her sobs.
She holds the monkey up into the last of the fading light,
which shines upon her face,
revealing stains from her tears.

As the last of the light fades away,
She puckers her lips,
and she begins to hum a tune,
a soft but minor tune.
She looks at the plush monkey and begins to sing:

" Gone, gone, away with the sun, you faded away,
yet nothing to me did you say, goodnight goodnight,
my dear old friend, away away you shall fly like a dove,
away away, you flew from me my love..."
Her voice clear as crystal and pure as ice.
"Away with the sun you did go, forever in the ground, cold like snow, gone my only light, leave me here trapped forever in night.
Here I shall wait for my time to come, for my final breath to leave, for my days to be done.
When that times comes to you I shall run, for you will always be the one"
Tears begin to fall form her eyes again.
She pulls the monkey close and kisses it.

She brings her lips to it's ear
and whispers something,
something soft and gentle.
Once again a smile peaks out form the cracks of her mouth,
even as the tears flow she smiles.
"When that times comes for my final breath to leave, for my days to be done.
Here I shall wait for my time to come, to you I shall run, for you will always be the one
for you will always be the one
for you will always be the one..."
she sings these lines over and over,
her sweet voice begins to wobble and fluctuate between notes,
until she can no longer keep the tune,
and in it's place,
a scream.

The light has vanished replaced by the darkness of night.
as the air grows cold,
the girl with porcelain skin and auburn eyes,
huddles closely to the large oak tree,
and awaits her time, to leave the world,
to be with the one she loves again...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Father

To my father,
I wish to tell you,
that I still love you,
but with a mangled, wounded heart.
You've damaged it,
that is undeniable.
You say you wish to be a part of my life again.
Then I feel as though you,
are going to have to wait for that.
I know this divorce is not your fault,
and I am pleased the both of you are happy,
but father I-I,
I detest you for loving her.
I understand one must move on,
and I am happy also, for you to have found love again,
but I am not happy that you were able to move on,
so quickly.
You tell me you weren't going to wait forever.
Well perhaps a little while longer would have been a little more appropriate, no?
I suppose that doesn't matter now.
What's done is done.
I hope you two are happy.
Buy I shall never meet this woman,
my arms will never welcome her.
You say not to judge her before I meet her,
perhaps I am not judging her but merely you.
Perhaps I don't with to meet her, because I don't with to see you.
Perhaps the thought of you together makes my stomach churn,
PERHAPS THE THOUGHT OF YOU WITH ANY ONE ELSE OTHER THAN MY MOTHER MAKES ME CRY!
PERHAPS this hurts me more that you will EVER know.
Perhaps this, dear father,
is the last thing I will write for you.
Just know I will always love you,
but nothing more than I have,
and nothing more than I do.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Dull

Stupid and dull.
Is that what I am?
Lazy and slobbish?
Is that how you see me?
Is it?
Just say it, go ahead,
I won't care, say it to my face,
tell me how you truly feel about me mother,
spit it out.
Don't leave me thinking something different, just tell me.
Is that who I am to you?
Huh?!
A lazy, stupid, going nowhere in life kid, who never gets things done?
Is that it?
just tell me, just yell it out.
I want to know!


I'm sorry if I'm wrong mom,
but this is what it feels like...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Letters

I've stopped.
That is to say, I have for now at least.
I have no one to thank but you,
your love and compassion has pulled me out
of the cycle I was held prisoner.

There are those reasons
which also come drifting into my mind.
What other reasons do I have to do it?
Stress I suppose, I don't do well with stress,
but I am not dying, [well not that I know of]
I have you.
My family situation is a little depressing,
and I do not ever think I will be able to ever see my father in the same light I once did,
surely barely talking to one's father takes it's tole.
Things could be worse, yes much worse.
So in all honesty I suppose my reasons for doing this are trivial.

The more I cut me, the more I cut you.
When I bleed, you bleed.
'Tis common knowledge, yet my eyes see not the correct choice.
I know many troubled children do this as well.
'Tis unfortunately not my own secret.
It makes me feel foolish,
it makes me feel identical and indistinguishable from the other loathsome creatures who suffer from this horrid pain.
We all have our own valid reasons, but I wish it were just me.
Sadly I know your eyes have seen this before,
you know this far to well.

I shan't send you back down this road.
I care to much for you.

I am deeply saddened to say,
during an argument with my father last night,
I did indeed inflict wounds upon my skin once again.
I am sorry,
but since my mother took the phone from me,
I could not call you, I needed to call you.
You are my crisis line.
Without you I failed to hold up my walls.
Thus it took hold and away I went.
Needless to say, I know I shouldn't have to rely on you.
I understand that.
Just thinking of you usually makes me not want to do it,
I don't understand why it didn't work this time.

Lately my mother has been saying things that make me feel useless.
" Don't break that, don't do this, why don't you ever help clean"
things like this but all the time.
I have things to do and I know I should help more but it hurts to know
I do so much damage.
I am stressed out, and I know I can be rather harsh and rude.
But it still hurts.

She almost found out last night.
I only did it twice on my arms, but it bled any way.
"are you doing it again?"
she asked me, but in a blunt and coarse tone.
I told her no and laughed.
I am sure even if she did know she would just say it's stupid,
and that I just want attention or something senseless.

I decided that to continue slashing my arm
was a bad idea,
for I have to many sleeveless garments I wish to wear,
so being naive and stupid by continuing with this task,
I sliced my leg.

I thought it was over,
I thought I moved on.
Yet I was wrong again.
I am trying, I can do this.
I know I can.

This letter has changed significantly,
in two days it has gone from positive to negative.
I feel as though this will be the last time I hurt myself.
I want to believe it is the last time.
So again I apologize to you,
not that I want you to read this, for you already know everything I have just said.
So let's forget about this yes?

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

The way the rain
hits the window,
looks just like the marks
on her arms.
An abundance of small, thin, scattered lines
going every which way.

Try to see the way she sees.
Try to picture the world in greyscale.
Try living in a world where nothing makes you smile.
Try living in a place where there is no warmth, no light.
just cold looks and painful memories.

The way the rain falls,
resembles the tears which fall from her eyes.
The clouds smother the sun,
much like the pillow to her face.
The wind blows strong and harshly,
as do her silent screams, go unheard.

A lonely road
is where she hides.
Seeking solace in the deep dark ditches,
hoping that perhaps one day,
someone will come,
someone will see her and help her.
Hope is all she has.

The way the rain
strikes the window,
look just like the marks
on her arms.
An abundance of small, thin, scattered lines
going every which way.

Roads of pain and roads of confusion.
She's stuck between them,with no where to go,
but to follow the lines
back and forth, back and forth.

But this boy,
whose smile and kindness make her melt,
this boy whom evokes,
a strange feeling that has been gone for so long.
This boy,
perhaps he can help her.
Perhaps with him she can start over,

Maybe now she can move away form this empty road,
and relieve herself from the pain.
Maybe now she can find her way around these lines,
to the place she has always dreamed of reaching again.
Perhaps it is possible to move on...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008
[good luck ...<3]

Snowflakes

The temperature outside is dropping,
and the leaves have almost all fallen.
The cold harsh winds of winter,
whip across my face.
The park is quiet and still.
The grass has turned yellow and brittle.

I tuck my face deeper into my scarf.
His scarf.
His soft sweet sent still lingers on it.
I inhale deeply, and close my eyes.
The wind still blowing strongly,
I wrap my arms around myself
to keep warm.
As I open my eyes,
a small white speck lands upon my sleeve.
As I look closer,
I can see a detailed snowflake.

So elegant and fragile,
when help up into the sun light,
it sparkles so brightly.
But it quickly melts away when touched.

Snowflakes are allot like being in love.
It is small and precious,
elegant yet fragile.
It sparkles like a thousand diamonds.
But can quickly melt away.
And just like snowflakes
No two are alike.

Once they leave, they never come back.
So small but when piled up,
create larger mounds.
Very much like love,
feelings can start off small,
but after a while build up into something bigger.

Come spring,
it all melts away,
and seems as though it were never there.
The park still silent, as I sit
upon the bench under pine trees.

The wind blows harder
and I wince in pain,
i bury my face into the scarf and jacket.
It's so cold out side.

The sun begins to set,
and the wind picks up,
I open my eyes and begin to stand,
when a soft deep voice,
whispers "sorry I'm late"
I quickly spin around
and see your face.

Love, much like the snow,
inspiring and breathtaking,
yet fragile and snesitive.
Sometimes it doesn't last,
but sometimes it melts into water,
just to be come snow again next winter...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Abused

Abused by you.
Hit, slapped, kicked and cut,
blood stains on your pillow case.
your blood.

The pain is too much.
you drink it down,
just to help.
Overdose at night.
No one there to tell you not to.

Up and down,
back and forth.
Dig it in deeper.
Watch how it flows, just like silk.

Abuse yourself.
There are blood stains on your pillowcase.
Sleep sleep,
it feels good now.

Stainless steel wrapped in cloth.
hidden in a dark place,
carried everywhere.
Never left alone.

Leave it.
Let go of it, you don't need it.
You don't need it.
Leave it behind,
move forward.
No longer abuse yourself.
Change the pillow case.

You are loved
no matter what you think.
They love you,
I love you.
You have to power you just need the will.
look beyond this darkness.
Leave it alone.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Invisible Walls

Trapped between invisible walls
No way in, no way out.
Stuck in complete solitude.
Each breath could be your last.
Thoughts run ramped,
attempts are made to retrace steps,
of how you got here, and how your going to leave.

Your heart is a prison.
Where you lock away your feelings.
You await the arrival of the one, to free them.
But you don't know if he'll ever come.

Trapped between invisible walls
No way in, no way out.
So you sit,
an wait for the day,
he comes and frees you from
this place you call home...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Bland and broken,

are the souls of man.

They are weak and venerable.

A flawed species we are.

For we make far to many a mistake.

Arrogant and irrational,

this civilization be.

No need for love and passion,

when you have war and lust.

What good are kisses and moon lit walks,

when death is on your mind.

Pathetic and forlorn,

are the souls who walk this earth.

obscenities and foul phrases

are all our children know.

Narcotics and intercourse,

are the games they play today.

they go together just as
catch and tag once did.

Morals and values,
two words never spoken, never practiced.
The meanings long lost and forgotten.
buried with the rights we all once had.

Power and wealth,
that is all you need to live.
The being and health of others shall perish,
for you are the one that matters most.
yet with that mentality,
we are doomed to exist,
in this darkness forever.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Forever

Cover them up.
They belong to you and no one else.
They are your dark secret.
Yours and yours alone.

Alone.
that word brings tears to your eyes.
It hurts to hear it.
you hate it,
but yet you can't escape it.
No.
You can't run from it.
It follows you every where.
It lurks in the shadows of your mind.
It stalks you,
it binds you to the pain.

These days are ripping holes into your soul.
With each passing one you feel your self withering away.
How can you escape this?
How can you find a light in this overwhelming darkness?

Oh how you wish you could just die.
You wish to leave this vile, hurtful place.
You want to run away from here and never come back.
Oh how cruel this world is!

Everything is numb,
You can no longer feel the warmth of the sun, or the beating of your heart.
All you can feel is the cold breeze of winter, and the harsh looks from passersby.
Oh how you long to feel again!
How you yearn for the touch of another,
how you wish to just feel something, anything...
Alas! You have found your cure.
Oh yes, the one thing that helps you.
You know it's wrong, but it feels so good.
It helps you feel,
it calms you down.
It helps to stop the tears.
It satisfies you.

But you see it comes with a price.
Oh yes, and a rather painful one at that.
It may help you, but it hurts others.
Others whom have been there for you,
others who have outstretched their hands to you,
but you couldn't see them.
It can hurt you in many ways,
it can push away the ones most precious to you.

You have a plan though,
you know how to hide it.
you have it all figured out.
Be careful, watch each move you make.
Don't let them see,
don't show them who you truly are.
You know what will happen.
You know what shall follow.

Cover them up.
They belong to you and no one else.
They are your dark secret.
Yours and yours alone.
No one needs to know,
no one can take this away from you,
oh no, this is your secret,
this is your special medicine.

To bad you can't see
what it truly is,
not medicine, but poison,
which will spread and spread until it consumes you,
it may help now, but those marks,
you think they will fade, sure some will,
but they will be there forever.
They'll never leave, but isn't that what you wanted?
At least now you will never be alone,
oh no they'll be there,
always with you, they'll never leave.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008 you and