The Waiting Game

Thus the waiting begins,
for a response to an ever growing question,
a question that has plagued my mind for quite some time,
perhaps there will not be one,
so be it,
if she has deemed me unworthy,
there is nothing I can do to change that,
or perhaps it will just take time,
for my words were a tad harsh,
but they were from my heart,
they needed to be freed,
released from the depth of my soul,

My intention was not to hurt her feelings,
as much as it was for me to get these thoughts out of my head,
I asked the cards for an answer,
and an answer was obtained,
they told me all about us,
why we met, and how she feels,
every detail strewn across,
a blanket on my basement floor,

Now all that's left,
is an answer from her,
of how she truly feels,
I wish to know all her thoughts,
of me, of us, of her, of what she wants to do,
for this should surely clear things up,
perhaps allowing me to rest,
oh just to know what she truly feels,
may clear this cloudy sky,
what happens from then on,
is unknown, but for now,
I shall wait out the storm.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Addiction

This is enough,
this has gone to far,
she's messing with my mind,
taking over every thought,
she comes online, i say hello, though I have no reason to,
she is like an addiction,
I can't stop thinking about her,
I cannot pull my self away form her
she intrigues me,
yet disturbs me to,
we are alike,
though we are different,
I don't understand why I keep her in my life,
I have only met this girl twice,
god this is irritating,
I can't seem to cut her off,
why?
for reasons I do not see,
I continue conversation,
in hopes of what?
no one knows,

"Just stop"
he says
"Sure, sorry"
I say
but I do not,
why though?
why must this continue?
is it out of pity? Do I blame myself for their past?
Why? I was not apart of it?
perhaps I feel as though it is my job,
to mend her broken heart?
Why should I care, it's not like I was the one who broke it.

Yet i feel guilt,
fuck this drives me crazy,
she makes me feel sadness,
I am always nice,
yet behind her smile is spite,
can feel it, spite and hatred,
it shows,
she can't hide it,
I can see it,
in the details of our conversations,
the emotions are there,
hidden behind elegant words,
which are said so poetically,
that it almost sounds as if she wants me to feel this way,
I said I was sorry,
"I will understand if you hate me"
I said it to her face,
"No no, I do not hate you"
she said with a smile,
don't hide it,
truth is often better than lies you know,

I must end this,
I must stop the knife before it travels any deeper,
into my fragile heart,
It is best for both of us to forgive and forget each other,
she was nice and so was I,
it felt as though we were the same person,
maybe we are,
but I do not care anymore,
this has badgered me enough,
sure maybe we could have been friends,
but then again perhaps not,
for in the end no good will come of it,
so the end is here,
so long, good bye,
pretty girl of his past,
my mistake to start this,
and here it will,
end.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Ache

The constant beating in my chest,
it's slowing now,
the feeling is slowly leaving,
It's as if it were leaking out of me,
slowly retreating from every corner,
of my already feeble body,
the air seems to escape my lungs,
I try to breath deeply,
yet it feels as though the air is blocked,
my skin is cold,
I think the blood has stopped flowing all together now,
yet there is still a pain,
a strong ache,

You have departed,
spread your wings and flown,
I know it is just for a little while,
but it feels as if it were for an eternity,
one day feels as though it were a month,
time seems so pass slowly,
has my clock stopped all together?
no, it still works,

Cold and alone,
huddled close against the tall, dark wall,
my tears, they flow in constant streams,
immense pain is all I feel,
it has been present since you left
my heart, it hurts,it hurts so badly I cry,
I cannot stop,

ow

The sun is out,
a reason to be happy,
right?
yet no smile forms,
for you were my sun,
this is terribly pathetic
I think to my self,
three weeks, it's not that long
but it is when it is the first time apart

ow

The constant beating in my chest,
it's slowing now,
the feeling is slowly leaving,
except for this ache,
that never seems to fade,

I miss you so much,
my body does not function,
when you are far away,
I feel nothing,
except for this ache,
that never seems to fade,
until you return . . .

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Feelings

I hate these feelings,
the ones that seem to take over,
the feelings of paranoia and shame,
why do they latch onto my mind,
heart and soul?
why must they badger me so?
I do not understand their motive...
why must they stifle me?
why do they continue to sustain,
I know you love me, right?
there they are again drilling questions in my mind,
"Does he love me?"
"Does he like someone else?"
"Why would he like me?"
over and over my mind fills with questions,
I don't want to ask them over and over any more,
I just want to stop them,
halt them forever, as to never evoke them again.
Is that possible, is it?
Is it possible for me to erase them?
I no longer wish to ask him these questions,
I trust him I truly do,
perhaps because I care for him so much,
I don't ever want him to leave,
I do not wish to have my heart trampled on again,
he knows this though,
I know he does,
please leave my mind,
heart and soul,
leave you terrible feelings,
and please do not return. . .

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Violins

The violins of my heart are playing,
they are playing a concerto,
a concerto of my life,
a never ending piece,
filled with the deep sounds of basses and the soft cellos,
The violins of my heart are playing,
in 2/2 speed,
as my heart pounds,
when your lips meet mine,
They play a high E as we kiss,
The violins of my heart are playing,
they are playing a soft melody,
as we lay here together,
it is slow and light,
They violins of my heart are playing,
they are playing quietly now was i fall asleep,
my head atop your chest,
eyes closed, hands together,
The violins of my heart are playing,
and they will continue to play until I die,
it will change from time to time, but they will play,
the concerto of my life,
until I die,
The violins of my heart will play. . .

~ M.E.Doowrah ~
©2008

Rift

So I guess this has to stop
it is not only your wishes but mine as well,
there seems to be a rift, which I have opened,
you seem to grow distant still,
I know you do not want to have this happen anymore,
thus I will stop,
for now thoughts of paranoia run through my head,
I fear the end, because of the things I have done,
all I wanted was for you to tell her your reasoning,
yet you still refuse, she is dieing inside,
yet again you refuse,
there is nothing more I can do, without hurting both of you,
more so, than I have already,
I shall retreat form my mission,
for I have failed, once more,
Please know that I never intended to be heartless,
I tend to make others happy,
rather than my good-for-naught self,
it was a cause I thought could make things OK,
I thought i could mend your pasts,
but as usual I have made things painful,
and wretched,
I have made the air stale,
between us,
I have created a dismal place,
a place that should have stayed blocked off form the world,
forgiveness is to much to ask. . .

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

Songs

Once again,
I am struck by the sudden urge to burst into song,
to sing at the top of my lungs,
to sing about the feelings I have for you.
I want to truly express the way you move me,
I wish to share every little detail of my love for you,
with everyone around me,
I hope to one day sing my song on the radio,
so then the whole world may hear about our love,
Though,
once again I am stuck between a futile decision,
of whether to sing a song to the world, or just to you,
Though,
perhaps it is better to sing to you,
for no matter how bad and out of tune,
it may be,
you will still like it,
you will smile,
your serene smile,
and look me in the eyes,
your stunning brown eyes,
and say "that was beautiful"
and I will blush and reply
"No no"
and you will say
" But it was, because everything you do is beautiful"
I will look into your ravishing eyes once more, and tell you
" No what is beautiful is our love for one another "
Then we will sit beneath the sunset together...
loving with each other with such passion,
eternally. . .

~M.E.Doowrah~
©2008

Stay

Does all of this crying make sense?
why do the tears not stop?
why when i think of you?
it's as if all I can do
is cry, and cry some more,
maybe I feel sorry,
for all the times I have cried,
maybe I feel bad for always disappointing you,
maybe I can't stand to see you look at me that way,
with those condescending eyes,
maybe I am sorry for not being the smartest person on the earth,
maybe I am sorry that I made you smile so much,
maybe I didn't make you smile enough,
maybe I feel sorry for all the times I said "I Love You"
maybe I didn't say it enough, all though I always meant it,
perhaps I am sorry for hating who I am,
maybe I am sorry for not being as picturesque as the sky,
I am sorry you hate me,
Do you hate me?
Do I anger you?
Do you wish to leave,
If so just know,
Your are my world,
you are my the light,
You help to guide me,
through the night,
and with out you,
I am alone,
consumed by the very darkness,
you lead me through,
please just know that I love you with all my heart,
You are my life,
and one day I wish to be your wife,
so please think twice before,
you shut the door,
on my heart,
because I,
sincerely,
love you. . .

M.E.Doowrah
©2008

Apologies

I know you are angry,
I know you are annoyed,
I know you hate this,
I know it's hard to understand,
I really don't get it either,
I know you want me to stop,
I know how much it hurts,
I know she brings back memories you wish to forget,
memories you wish you could block off,
memories you wish to conceal in a dark place,
the darkest place you know,
A place we have, deep within our hearts,
please don't be mad,
please don't distance your self,
please know that I didn't mean to start this,
please just know, that I will stop,
Please just know that I am deeply, truly
sorry.

M.E.Doowrah
©2008

Sunsets

The clouds lay strewn.
across the sky,
they look like seashells
washed up onto shore
by the pounding waves of the ocean,
pastel colours fill the sky,
pinks and purples, oranges and yellows,
this is what dreams are built from,
this is the fine art of nature,
no money in the world could possibly
account for the beauty of the sky,
oh how i wish I could fly swiftly,
up towards the soft colours,
I wish to catch the clouds and hold them,
I wonder what they feel like?
I want to take my paint brush,
and ever so gently, blend the colours together,
creating an even more breath taking scene,
but the think i wish for the most,
is to sit here under the magical sky,
with you, hand in hand
forever. . .

M.E.Doowrah
©2008

Today

Today was a sunny day
white fluffy clouds filled the sky
the sun strong and warm against the deep blue,
The grass so green,
it was a s if the fields were made of emerald

Today was a normal day
everything continued like normal,
bell rings, go to class, another ring,
switch class, pencil on paper, fingers fastly moving,
as to copy each word form the note on the board.

Today was a kind day,
a jumble of happy smiling faces pass by,
giggling and laughing, it's a moment of joy in their lives,
nothing seems to break the cheerfulness,
bell rings, they rush into class, fingers ready,
for the race of words.

Today is a lovely day,
hands clasped together,
smiles and rosy cheeks,
laughter and happiness all around,
A world all their own,
a love that shines above all,
together they are happy,

Today was a special day.
Today, I met you. . .

~ Morgan.E.Doowrah ~
©2008

I Met This Girl

I met this girl today
her hair was pulled back into a bun,
held together by a pretty hair clip,
her eyes were a soft brown, so kind yet,
I could see pain and sadness,
her smile was so warm and friendly,
it made me feel like I had been her friend for years,
even though we had just met,
she gazed out the window,
her face seemed to radiate in the sun light,
she seemed so happy,
yet her past so rough...
how could she smile?
It seemed she was undaunted by the memories
"I love summer she said, it's so green and warm"
I couldn't help but smile, it was contagious,
we continued to talk,a few awkward silences,
though they were overcome by more conversation,
she asked about him, which I knew would cause sadness,
yet she was still smiling,
we talked some more and for some reason a sadness built up inside,
I know their story, I know how it ended,
but seeing her now made me tremble,
made me feel weak and feeble inside,
I could feel the tears building,
yet I suppressed them,
I knew she was still skeptical about me,
why would his present talk to his past without ever having met her,
[I don't know I just felt a connection I guess],
I felt like I had known her before, maybe in another life,
her stop was soon, and we slowly ended our conversation,
"maybe coffee some time?" I said as she walked towards the door,
"yea that sounds OK to me"
and she stepped off the bus, smiled and waved,
as the door closed and the bus drove away,
I do not know if we will ever meet again, perhaps,
since it seems like we are so similar,
who know what the future holds,
but today I met this girl. . .


~ Morgan.E.H ~
©2008

Colours

The sun is slowly dieing
and the wind is picking up
the sky is growing darker still
shivers crawl down my back
as if someone was walking over my grave
I look towards the dieing light
the colours blend together
like paint on an artists palette
slowly mixing, making bright hues
of read and orange, highlighted by yellow
I close my eyes and inhale deeply
I concentrate on the silence, breathing slowly,
you voice wisps past my ea
r as if it were floating on the wind
it comes again, louder this time, but still a whisper i cannot make out,
I concentrate harder, what are you saying?
it comes once more loud as if you were right beside me,
the air feels warm, and soft, as if you are talking into my ear,
my eyes open
"I'm here" the soft warm air says,
I look up
it's you. . .

~Sakuranbo Kyuuketsuki ~
©

Endings

It's sad when two hearts break apart
when they just throw everything away
no longer have anything so say,
why does life always have to be this way?

Is it OK,
to feel so broken,
all felling goes numb,
when those two words are spoken,
words which we all fear,
words that are said, when that horrid time comes,
the time of dread, the time of pain,
the time where love won't be the same

Two words are all,
that need to be said,
to destroy a person's feelings,
make blood rush to their head,

two words that we all
have come to know
as words of pain and words of hurt,
words that make true emotions show...
we work so hard,yet they still make us cry..
when the love of your life finally says...

good bye


~ Sakuranbo Kyuuketsuki ~
©

Fighting With Myself

Your stupid
no I'm not
your useless
no
your ugly
n-no no
your pathetic, a sorry excuse for a person
no please don't say that
no one likes you,
some do, I know it
HAH HAH no one likes you, everyone hates you,
n-no st-stop it please
aww are you going to cry? HAH
p-please stop
if you disappeared no one would care,
no p-people like me... i am sure. . . people would notice
Trust me no one would care...
sure they would...
the only thing that likes you is loneliness,
stop stop stop... it's not true
BA HAH just go die somewhere
why...why are you so mean
because no one else will tell you the truth
the tr-truth?
HAH what are you deaf to? HAH HAH
no please leave
No need to ask dumb ass, I'll be happy to leave and never come back,
... maybe it would be better if i left . . . forever. . .

Please help stop verbal abuse like this...Be aware... If you notice a friend thinking like this, seek help... don't let it be to late. . .

~ Sakuranbo Kyuuketsuki ~