You are special.
You are pretty.
Gorgeous, beautiful.
Magical even.
Something star kissed and heaven sent.
You're a work of art.
Really something.
Yea something that's for sure.
That's what he told you.
That's what he promised didn't he,
Before he would hold you and touch you and promise you the world.
Before we would shun you and ignore you and crumble your walls.
You're "The ONE" "The ONLY"
You make him feel alive, like he's worth something.
Without you there is no hope in the world.
That;s why he hits you. Chokes you. Just because he cares.
Yea.
That's why.
You're pretty right?
He loves you and you love him right?
Yea.
Yea.
Maybe next time if you hold him tighter he'll be gentler.
Maybe if you kiss him when you don't want to he won't cut you.
Maybe next time, next time, next time,
Maybe next time will never come...
©2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
True
Since there is no direction in my life
I often look to the guidance of others.
Knowing far well that no matter what words may precariously fall from these mouths
that I am still here and still alone.
Friends are friends. Nothing more or nothing less.
It is said that friends are there for you no matter the cause.
To help you up, to make you smile.
And to some extent they are indeed.
But what I feel a lot of people fail to perceive is that they are not an answer.
Friends really are rather pointless.
They help to pass the time, learn about the news, share laughs with.
But realistically speaking we are all alone.
Live, breathe, and die alone.
No one will be there when you are in your darkest moment.
When you are surrounded but so much hopelessness that it has choked all of the air from your throat.
Leaving you to suffocate in the external world.
Leaving you to reek of despair from every orifice of your unworthy body, until
finally, you can rest for eternity.
"It's all in the way you perceive things Morgan" or " It's all in your head. Think positive and you WILL BE positive"
BULL SHIT! BULL FUCKING SHIT YOU LOUSY WORTHLESS COWARD!
why? why? whywhywhywhwhywhy?
I never asked to be born.
I never asked to be sad and pathetic.
Fight fight fight you can do it.
I feel like a terminal patient fighting for nothing.
"All you need it hope and courage Morgan. Just keep believing!"
Believing? Believing in what exactly?
A higher power? An almighty being?
In Happiness?
In Death?
I don't understand why this has to happen to anyone. I don't understand.
Call me what you want.
Attention seeking.
Pathetic.
Hopeless.
A failure.
A drop out.
A waste of space.
Doomed.
what ever it is, it's probably true.
I often look to the guidance of others.
Knowing far well that no matter what words may precariously fall from these mouths
that I am still here and still alone.
Friends are friends. Nothing more or nothing less.
It is said that friends are there for you no matter the cause.
To help you up, to make you smile.
And to some extent they are indeed.
But what I feel a lot of people fail to perceive is that they are not an answer.
Friends really are rather pointless.
They help to pass the time, learn about the news, share laughs with.
But realistically speaking we are all alone.
Live, breathe, and die alone.
No one will be there when you are in your darkest moment.
When you are surrounded but so much hopelessness that it has choked all of the air from your throat.
Leaving you to suffocate in the external world.
Leaving you to reek of despair from every orifice of your unworthy body, until
finally, you can rest for eternity.
"It's all in the way you perceive things Morgan" or " It's all in your head. Think positive and you WILL BE positive"
BULL SHIT! BULL FUCKING SHIT YOU LOUSY WORTHLESS COWARD!
why? why? whywhywhywhwhywhy?
I never asked to be born.
I never asked to be sad and pathetic.
Fight fight fight you can do it.
I feel like a terminal patient fighting for nothing.
"All you need it hope and courage Morgan. Just keep believing!"
Believing? Believing in what exactly?
A higher power? An almighty being?
In Happiness?
In Death?
I don't understand why this has to happen to anyone. I don't understand.
Call me what you want.
Attention seeking.
Pathetic.
Hopeless.
A failure.
A drop out.
A waste of space.
Doomed.
what ever it is, it's probably true.
Arteries
Forgoing am I nothing.
Has this all been a lie?Simplistically speaking it isn't what you think.
Perhaps it is an illusion of the mind.
Tricks are played on fools who wait.
Life isn't stopping so why are you?
Technical terms are a myth created for your delusion.
Where is this going?
Left
Right
Wrong side of the tram.
I just want to touch your porous skin.
A wire brush feels like the hands of Jesus to the numb.
Can't complain though cause You're still breathing.
In
Out
In
Out
I-Instantly revived.
Funny how life works.
The sky is red from all of the severed arteries of your beliefs.
shit. we're drowning.
©2011
Sedative
Attest to be the best,
no feelings attached.
The air is stale where I am.
Breathing becomes only necessary to exist.
Not living, just existing.
Join hands and I'll make you feel elated.
Where as I remain here jaded
from all things positive.
Assertive, negative, sedative.
Sedation. Yes please.
Breathing becomes only necessary to exist.
alive. alive. alive.
Who? Nope not me,
just existing.
©2011
no feelings attached.
The air is stale where I am.
Breathing becomes only necessary to exist.
Not living, just existing.
Join hands and I'll make you feel elated.
Where as I remain here jaded
from all things positive.
Assertive, negative, sedative.
Sedation. Yes please.
Breathing becomes only necessary to exist.
alive. alive. alive.
Who? Nope not me,
just existing.
©2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Her
There is nothing like you.
A vicious downward cycle I cannot break.
I am unsure of how we first met, or how we have managed to be one for so long.
You came and set up camp and have yet to leave.
How much longer will you be there?
How much more pain will you cause me?
I am unsure of how much longer I can fight.
I don't know what I am fighting.
darkness?
pain?
you?
or myself?
Leave please, leave me please.
I no longer want you within me.
You have rotted everything till there are just torn disintegrating pieces of what was.
Please just finish me off and be on your way, I have known you for much to long,
and I am starting to fear I am you and you are me...
©2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Do you ever notice the sky in the morning?
How it's not quite black but it isn't quite blue.
It's almost brown.
Do you ever notice the smell the wind carries in the fall?
The sweet rich smell of red, yellow, and orange leaves.
It's calming and still.
Do you ever notice how I'm slowly decaying?
Rotting and stagnant.
Can't you see how hurt I am?
Can't you see how sad I am?
Can't you help me?
Can't you fix me?
Can't you save me?
Can't you help me?
Do you ever notice me crying?
can't you see behind my crumbling walls?
Are you not able to fix me?
WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING FIX ME!?
WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING HELP ME!?
WHY AM I FUCKED UP!?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?
How it's not quite black but it isn't quite blue.
It's almost brown.
Do you ever notice the smell the wind carries in the fall?
The sweet rich smell of red, yellow, and orange leaves.
It's calming and still.
Do you ever notice how I'm slowly decaying?
Rotting and stagnant.
Can't you see how hurt I am?
Can't you see how sad I am?
Can't you help me?
Can't you fix me?
Can't you save me?
Can't you help me?
Do you ever notice me crying?
can't you see behind my crumbling walls?
Are you not able to fix me?
WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING FIX ME!?
WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING HELP ME!?
WHY AM I FUCKED UP!?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?
Nothing make sense.
Nothing is clear to me anymore.
I can't tell where the line between living and dying is drawn.
It used to be so clear to me, it used to make so much sense.
There was a definite line between this world and the next.
This pill bottle and the 1-800 number.
Now I don't see either.
Which one is the right choice if there is even a choice.
Is dying worth living?
I don't really know anymore.
I feel numb, empty, cold.
I don't know if I want to dye or if I want to live.
I don't know ANYTHING.
They both seem so stupid...
fuck
Nothing is clear to me anymore.
I can't tell where the line between living and dying is drawn.
It used to be so clear to me, it used to make so much sense.
There was a definite line between this world and the next.
This pill bottle and the 1-800 number.
Now I don't see either.
Which one is the right choice if there is even a choice.
Is dying worth living?
I don't really know anymore.
I feel numb, empty, cold.
I don't know if I want to dye or if I want to live.
I don't know ANYTHING.
They both seem so stupid...
fuck
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Goodbye
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to me.
I'm off to face what I fear most.
what I contemplate most.
I wonder if it's cold in the winter,
or if there really is a tunnel.
I wonder if I will get to float on clouds,
or burn on jagged rocks?
Or perhaps there is just darkness.
Maybe its like an eternal slumber.
I think I'd like that.
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to me.
Its time for some rest.
I'll live on with you and your love.
Please don't hate me,
it's for your own good, and mine.
Please don't cry there is no point,
I am not worth your tears.
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to me,
Perhaps we will meet again somewhere in your heart.
©2011
Goodbye to me.
I'm off to face what I fear most.
what I contemplate most.
I wonder if it's cold in the winter,
or if there really is a tunnel.
I wonder if I will get to float on clouds,
or burn on jagged rocks?
Or perhaps there is just darkness.
Maybe its like an eternal slumber.
I think I'd like that.
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to me.
Its time for some rest.
I'll live on with you and your love.
Please don't hate me,
it's for your own good, and mine.
Please don't cry there is no point,
I am not worth your tears.
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to me,
Perhaps we will meet again somewhere in your heart.
©2011
I Know
I know he loves me.
I know he wants me.
I know he cherishes me.
I know I hurt him.
I know I suffocate him.
I know I frustrate him.
I know he cares about me.
I know he'd give it all for me.
I know he will never forget me.
I know I make him sad.
I know I drag him down.
I know I anger him.
I know he loves me
I know I love him
but I don't know how much more I can put him through before I let him leave like everyone else.
©2011
I know he wants me.
I know he cherishes me.
I know I hurt him.
I know I suffocate him.
I know I frustrate him.
I know he cares about me.
I know he'd give it all for me.
I know he will never forget me.
I know I make him sad.
I know I drag him down.
I know I anger him.
I know he loves me
I know I love him
but I don't know how much more I can put him through before I let him leave like everyone else.
©2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
No Light
I believe i have come to a time
where I have fallen furthur that I have before.
I cannot begin to connect the lines from where I once was.
Nothing is luminous any more.
I feel like the light of life has faded again.
I'm lost and alone.
This dark hallway seems to go on for ever.
Perhaps I am in denial of the truth.
Perhaps I am just refusing to see the light which resides within us?
Or perhaps I am unworthy of such a light...
© 2011
where I have fallen furthur that I have before.
I cannot begin to connect the lines from where I once was.
Nothing is luminous any more.
I feel like the light of life has faded again.
I'm lost and alone.
This dark hallway seems to go on for ever.
Perhaps I am in denial of the truth.
Perhaps I am just refusing to see the light which resides within us?
Or perhaps I am unworthy of such a light...
© 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I Am Nothing.
I am nothing.
Nothing but a walking bag of fat and bones.
I am worthless before the moon and stars.
I am but a night terror.
Unwanted, feared, and hated.
I have strewn my very last hopes among the rocky waters of pity.
Nothing can comfort me, when comfort in itself does not heal.
I have sliced open every last vein but I still bleed.
A never ending river of loss.
When will time let me leave?
Can I not just smile with meaning,
or dance among the flowers of blissful paradise.
Why must I stand here behind this unforgiving wall of ice,
and be forced to watch the sun rise and fall
unable to feel it's warmth?
I drip blood yet shed no tears.
© 2010
Nothing but a walking bag of fat and bones.
I am worthless before the moon and stars.
I am but a night terror.
Unwanted, feared, and hated.
I have strewn my very last hopes among the rocky waters of pity.
Nothing can comfort me, when comfort in itself does not heal.
I have sliced open every last vein but I still bleed.
A never ending river of loss.
When will time let me leave?
Can I not just smile with meaning,
or dance among the flowers of blissful paradise.
Why must I stand here behind this unforgiving wall of ice,
and be forced to watch the sun rise and fall
unable to feel it's warmth?
I drip blood yet shed no tears.
© 2010
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
God Loves Everyone.
Heaven help the wounded men,
the rapists, the killers, and adulterers.
Give mercy to those less fortunate.
Hell, it's not their fault they do those things.
They just made mistakes.
God loves everyone after all...
© 2010
the rapists, the killers, and adulterers.
Give mercy to those less fortunate.
Hell, it's not their fault they do those things.
They just made mistakes.
God loves everyone after all...
© 2010
Saturday, March 5, 2011
There Are Wolves in the Shadows.
There are wolves in the shadows.
If you are not careful, they'll catch you.
They'll rip out your soul and sing a song to the darkness.
An eternal sonata of lament and misfortune.
They will bring about destruction in your world.
They'll feed on your stolen innocence until you are nothing but a shell,
a shell of the something you once were.
There are wolves in the shadows.
Stay close to the meadows and you should be just fine.
Do not watch them.
Do not listen to them.
Their mouths reek of stagnant lies and twisted fables.
There are wolves in the shadows.
And once they touch you,
you will be forever tainted.
Forever in ruin.
©2011
If you are not careful, they'll catch you.
They'll rip out your soul and sing a song to the darkness.
An eternal sonata of lament and misfortune.
They will bring about destruction in your world.
They'll feed on your stolen innocence until you are nothing but a shell,
a shell of the something you once were.
There are wolves in the shadows.
Stay close to the meadows and you should be just fine.
Do not watch them.
Do not listen to them.
Their mouths reek of stagnant lies and twisted fables.
There are wolves in the shadows.
And once they touch you,
you will be forever tainted.
Forever in ruin.
©2011
Confusion
In my mind, I will never be acceptable.
There is no warmth in a place such as this.
Is it too cliche so say my mind is a prison?
I don't really know how to explain exactly how or what I feel.
I'm not sad all the time or suicidal.
Not like then, no. I feel different.
I sometimes wish I could feel just like I did back then because it would be familiar.
Something I know, something I can get used to again.
Now I feel high some days low others.
I feel scattered, and unorganized.
I want to cut and I want to cry
but something is stopping me,
holding me back from a quick fix.
Now I smoke weed, or drink, or sleep.
If i have to choose between this and the old me,
can I have her back?
There is no warmth in a place such as this.
Is it too cliche so say my mind is a prison?
I don't really know how to explain exactly how or what I feel.
I'm not sad all the time or suicidal.
Not like then, no. I feel different.
I sometimes wish I could feel just like I did back then because it would be familiar.
Something I know, something I can get used to again.
Now I feel high some days low others.
I feel scattered, and unorganized.
I want to cut and I want to cry
but something is stopping me,
holding me back from a quick fix.
Now I smoke weed, or drink, or sleep.
If i have to choose between this and the old me,
can I have her back?
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