Put it Down

Being unable to stop what is hazardous to me,
has proved to be quite the challenge.
Rather than putting down the blade,
I hide it away,
keep it safe until I need it.
This won't solve anything.
Yet even though I know this, it seems to not sway my position.
It's quite a puzzling predicament, and one I would rather not be apart of.
Perhaps it is my fault that I don't stop,
well actually more like I "can't" stop, but I need to figure out that answer soon
cause I fear with each new scar, comes a new bump, in the trust and support my love has in me.
I feel as though each time I cut myself, I cut him,
so why is it that I can't force myself to stop?
How does this make any sense!?
Help...
I have thought about help and getting it, but love has told me so many stories and such,
That I don't know if I want to get it.
I fear perhaps I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.
Some of the symptoms certainly jumped out at me.
Maybe I really am a crazy mental basket case!?
ahhhhrg why why why why WHY!?
I'm so scared and I don't want to sit here and do nothing in case it really is a mental problem!
RAWR I don't know what to do...
I want to get help but I don't want to be stalked by social workers, I mean and if my parents found out. holy shit I don't even want to think about that. I mean my mom IS a freaking social worker!
SHIT ahh, I don't know what to do and I just don't want to jeopardize my relationship again!
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhg!


Morgan.