Mental-ness

Lately I have been thinking about the way I am. I know we all have
self-esteem issues, even the most beautiful people have insecurities I
am sure. But I mean I don't really have any at all [self-esteem that is]. Which is kind of
bad considering I should. I guess the stereotypes don't help much, and
the pressure to conform is INTENSE. I don't find it fair that both girls and boys have to look a certain way. Girls have to be skinny with big boobs and a tight butt, where as guys either scrawny or built. I find there are harsher ones placed on
us girls but that's just my opinion. Another thing that comes along with my low self-esteem is my inability to like myself for who I am.

Some times it feels as though I space out and hear myself talking
but saying things I don't think I would say, and then I get confused
and freak out. I sound like some sort of crazy trying to figure out the
right words and things. I think I am crazy sometimes. To be honest I
was reading up on this article the other day, [BPD] and well, I had a suspicious that I may or may not have some sort of mental condition and I was thinking it may be Boarder Line Personality Disorder. Some of the things that jumped out at me were 'pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior' as well as 'intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values". Now I am not saying that i suffer from these like, INTENSELY, but I do have these 'mood swings' if you will. I am also a tad bit of a hypochondriac.

See I kinda want to talk to someone about this but I am to scared to, cause what if they tell my parents about my 'habit' I really don't want to be under strict supervision again. [They caught me in the act once] So I am kind of at a cross roads. Blehh haha. So strange that I write about this in a Myspace blog haha..

Morgan.

[taken from my Myspace page]