Blood in the Bathroom

Blood in the Bathroom

A single tear rolls down her face,
her vision is blurred,
she shuts her eyes and opens them quickly
in hopes it will stop the tears so she can see clearly again,
but it doesn't work.
She gives up.
She can feel her knees begin to quiver,
they give out, and she falls backwards.


She lands hard upon the concrete floor,
but she can't feel the pain,
or perhaps she just doesn't care.
She can't control the tears,
they flow down her cheeks,
they follow the creases in her face,
they drip off her chin,
landing on her blouse.
They create little translucent spots.

She wants to scream,
she wants to smash her head into the wall,
she wants to feel something.
anything,
she wants to end the numbness,
that seems to have consumed her.

She only knows one way,
one thing that can help her,
she pulls out the razor blade
she had kept in her bag.
She always made sure to keep it with her.
She never went any where with out it.
She was quite meticulous about putting it back exactly where it was,
and about cleaning it right before she used it.

but this time was different,
this time she didn't care.
This time she didn't analyse what she was going to do, she just did.
She rolls back the sleeve of her blouse,
until it almost touches her shoulder.
The tears are still furiously flowing,
she looks at the blade grasped between her fingers ,
than quickly glances at her arm,
with out another moments hesitation,
she draws the blade across her skin.

It feels cold on her arm,
little crimson drops form
where the blade had kissed the skin.
she watches as the drops multiply and join together,
she does it again,
and again
and again
and again.

Her arm begins to turn red,
she keeps going.
She seems to have gone into a trace,
it feels as though she is watching a movie.
Over and over she lashes out at her arm.
Each cut she makes is different,
some are deeper than others,
some are vertical some are horizontal,
they criss cross all down her arm.
Her tears cease.

A puddle of red has formed on the floor,
she can't see it, she can't see anything,
it feels as though time has stopped.
everything is moving really slowly.
the lights look as though they are getting brighter
and engulfing everything.
The washroom stall begins so move,
it begins so quiver and shake,
yet she still sits there,
slashing her arm to pieces.

As if out of no where a sharp pain
rips across her arm,
the light begins to retreat and the stall becomes still.
She leans back against the wall,
for a moment the she stops the blade,
and gazes at what she thought was her arm,
but it wasn't, it must be someones else's she thinks,
it is limp and disfigured.
It is littered with dozens of wet, red lines.
She follows the stream of blood,
until it dripped into what looked like a sea of red beside her.

She stares at the puddle for quite some time,
she is not sure what to do, or even think.
she draws her eyes back to her arm,
then to the blade in her fingers.
the bathroom door opens.
Startled, she looks up toward the stall door.

She freezes.
She can't move, she doesn't want to.
the toilet flushes, she hears the tap turn on, then off,
then she's alone again.
thoughts begin to run through her mind,
How is she going to clean this up?
How is she going to be able to hide the cuts
when they won't stop bleeding.
Panic begins to strike her.
What if they don't stop bleeding?
What if she bleeds to death?

Then she remembers,
no one cares about her,
I bet no one has noticed I'm gone
she thinks to herself.
Suddenly she remembers the one person in her life
she cared for, the one she pushed away.
The dull ache from her broken heart becomes intensified,
it hurts,
she feels it suffocating her,
He's gone, gone for good, he's never comming back
these words repeat in her mind over and over,

She feels the numbness take hold again,
she takes the razor in her other hand,
her arm seems to have stopped hurting,
she unbuttons her blouse,
and tosses it asside.
she gases at her clear, almost perfect arm.

She brings the blade close to it,
she stops, as if to think about what she is doing,
and if she really wants to do it,
but she shakes her head and begins to draw lines on her arm.
again she watches the blood pool at the surface of the cuts,
she feels it drip down her arm,
she starts to cry again.

She shuts her eyes,
the tears won't stop,
they drip into her cuts,
she knows they should sting,
but she can't feel it.
She begins to feel light headed,
the room starts to spin,
everything is a blur,
it looks as though she is trapped in a snow globe,
and someone is shaking it profusely.

Her motions begin to slow,
she can barley move,
she stops cutting.
She can't move her hand any longer,
the blade falls from her grasp and lands on the floor.
It sounds as though it has fallen miles away.
It echoes as if she were on a cliff,
and had thrown if off the edge.

She opens and closes her eyes,
in an attempt to clear her vision.
It won't work,
she tries over and over,
but nothing changes.
everything sounds far away,
she hears the door open,
but she's not sure if it is the washroom door or just a door in the hall,
she can't differentiate the walls from the floor.

She hears a pounding sound,
but she can't tell what or where it is.
suddenly it gets really bright and there are shadowy figures all around her,
she feels weak,
she topples over into something wet,
she no longer has the energy to keep her eyes open.

Everything goes black.
she is frozen.
She hears a quite persistent sound.
She can't decipher what it is,
over and over it repeats.
Perhaps it's angels calling out for her.
she tries to listen,
it's hard, she can't concentrate.
It repeats still.
She tries again,
this time she hears something,
her name, or at least she thinks it's her name.
it comes again.

It must be the angels,
then his face flashes through the darkness.
Could it be her love,
could it be the one she loved so much,
why was he here,
was was he saying her name,
what would he think when he saw her like this,
he would think her disgusting and stupid,
the way has always been.

Her mind was running wild.
suddenly she feels as though she is floating,
she feels as if she were high up in the air,
floating above the washroom,
travailing higher and higher,
now she must be above the school.

She can hear her name still being called.
She wants to see where it's coming from.
She wants to know who is calling out to her.
She wants him,
she craves the feeling of him wrapped around her,
she can smell him,
yet she can do nothing,
she can't move,
she wants to run, she wants to find him,
she wants to see him.

She hears her name again,
but it seems to be growing softer,
it seems to be fading away,
she wants it to stay,
where is it going?
Then as if she had been hit in the head with a blunt object,
her mind stops and becomes still.
everything seems to have vanished again.
No sound, no feeling.
Just silence in this dark, dark place.
yet far off in the distance she can see him,
she can see his soft glowing face.
and she can see a small, crystal clear tear,
roll down his cheek,
and as she stared at his face,
she thought she saw his mouth
form the words good bye
then once again she was engulfed in darkness.

[ok so umm.. yea long ass story I know... sorry if it bored you.. I will revise it soon but here it is for now! If you have some pointers for me just put them in the tag box! Please and thank you! =}]
Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008