Sleepless

It's been a few days now.
A few dawns have turned in to dusks,
and a few dusks into dawns,
yet I have not slept a wink.

It seems as though I have forgotten how.
I lay wake in bed,
I toss and turn,
I close my eyes and try to think
about something boring or happy,
to see if it would make me sleepy,
yet sad and scary thoughts
protrude into my mind and
I am left to ponder the sad things.

It feels as though
sleep is the last thing I should be doing,
but sleep is the only thing I want to do.
Every time I begin to drift off into the world of dreams
I think about my mistakes and
a cold, painful feeling of guilt takes hold of my body,
and I no longer feel like sleeping.

I wish I could sleep,
I wish I could wake up and it already be light out.
I wish I didn't have to watch the sun rise each morning,
though it is a sight of explicit beauty.
I wish I could feel refreshed.
I wish these dark rings under my eyes would go away.
I look in the mirror and the girl looking back looks pale and withered,
she looks lanky and pathetic,
she looks dead.
It scares me to think that that girl is a refection of me.

It has been so long
since I have dreamed.
Sure I day dream, but they are broken up,
but the sound of my teacher's voice,
or by the chatter and calamity of the hall way.

Sometimes if feels
like I will never sleep again,
some times it feels like I shall never feel rested.
Sometimes I wish I could just curl up and die,
so that I won't have to feel so low every day.
sometimes I wish I could just forget everything and start over.
But i really wouldn't want that.
I want to keep my happy memories.
I want to remember all my friends, and the ones I love and have loved.

Perhaps one day,
I will be able to put my mind at ease,
and perhaps one day these things won't bug me any more.
Perhaps one day, I will be happy again.

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008