Cuts

The sky out side is grey,
It has been grey for days now,
the sun seems to have fled from here,
why, I do not know.


The rain never ceases,
it rains almost every hour.


That's OK though,
the sun has no reason to shine anymore,
well, at least not on me.


Seldom do I wish for the sun,
to few a time, do I ask for warmth,
from the giant fire in the sky,


I like the cold,
I am used to it,
I fell cold all the time,
it's normal,

Cold, just like the looks
I get form lots of people,
on the bus, at school, at home
it's quite normal.
I know why they do it,
it's because I am not pretty like them,
it's because I don't look like them.

I know this,
though sometimes
it really hurts,
sometimes I cry,
sometimes I feel like disappearing,
sometimes I just wish I was part of the wall,
or the bus seat,

Sometimes I wish I could die,
sometimes I even envision myself,
walking in front of a bus,
or holding my breath until my lungs explode.

I have become accustom
to seeing the world
as a melancholy place.
That's normal.

I am used
to feeling left out,
it happens all the time,
it makes my heart feel all stiff and cold,
cold, just like ice.

Sometimes when I get home,
I feel so low, so pathetic,
this happen quite often actually,
I cry and cry,
I get flustered,
I feel so stupid,

I am stupid,
I know I am, I have proved it,
I always fail in school, eve though i try hard.
I am a burden and I break promises.

So I do what I know
is best .
I do what makes me feel better.
I cut.
and cut and cut.
I run the blade back and forth,
over and over and over,
and watch as the skin rises,
and the blood slowly appears.

That's what you deserve,
I think to myself
you stupid,ugly whore!
This is what you deserve!
Why do you have to be so stupid all the time!?
I repeat this to my self over and over
as more and more lines appear on my arm.

The sky out side is grey,
It has been grey for days now,
the sun seems to have fled from here,
and thats how it always is...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008